I have always been the one on the fringe. Never in the “in-crowd” always the new girl or the odd girl. I have tried my best to fit into everyone’s world and in the process destroyed myself. I have tried to be everything to everyone and that has brought me misery and tears. My childhood was constant chaos, constantly changing and moving. So many schools, so many people, and not ever finding my place. I longed for my safe space, my great-grandmother. She was my North Star, my constant…and she left this mortal place when I was 16. I felt my light go out, my world flipped upside down and never corrected itself until recently. I see how my childhood has played out in my adult life, the chaos, the seeking another safe place…someone to just love me and hold me.
I believe that there are advantages to being on the fringes. There is freedom. I don’t have to be anyone other than me. I don’t have a social clique that dictates what I wear, who I talk to, where I live, what I drive, who I date or marry, what I do or don’t do for a living…complete freedom to try on my life and see what fits or doesn’t. I have a pass to be the new woman or the odd woman…the free woman. I’m a woman that has spent too many years trying to make someone love or like her, forgetting the whole time that loving one’s self completely is the ultimate love and freedom. So today I am going to try on self-love and see what happens.
Will you join me in this trial? Will you try-on self-love and just see what happens?
Love,
Your friend on the fringes
Claiming Me 